Archive for June, 2010

It was time for a new look. Hope you all like the new theme.


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So, this morning I wake up with some weird pressure in my head, I am dizzy and listing to the right, the nausea center in my brain vestibule fully activated. What the heck. Of, course what if’s are running through my head: brain tumor, stroke and numerous other nefarious conditions. I stagger around waiting for the feeling to pass, but it seems to not want to subside so fast. So, of course I resort to surfing on the computer so as to keep my head still.

I find a blog called “1000 Awesome Things”. Okay, I am immediately contrite. What a whiner I have been. Focused on how I don’t feel like studying CHF and PVD and CAD, and definitely don’t feel like taking a test, which is due today. People are writing in to comment on the blog entries in “Awesome Things” telling their stories of cancer and loss and seeing the good stuff in life in the middle of terrible adversities. My problem is just tiredness.

What is an awesome thing I can come up with right now as I sit here in my spinning room? Well, it has to be my husband. He has done the housework and cooking I don’t have time to do, cheered me up when things seemed insurmountable, made do with massively decreased time with his wife in the name of studying, was always there for me and brags about me to everyone he meets. What an awesome husband he is, and an awesome friend. I really couldn’t do this without his support.

This morning he made me coffee and said “It has to be pressure from your sinuses, take your antihistamine”. He’s right of course. Summer has officially hit Florida and you need a snorkle to breathe the pollen-enriched steam we call air. Antihistamines are essential for survival. I just realized I forgot to fill my little vitamin/anti-allergy pill box for the week, and went without for two days. I’m a dummy. So, one antihistamine coming up (second-generation non-drowsy formula, of course) and I will hit the books and take my test. Wish me luck, I heard it was tough.

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In Philadelphia is an area called Manayunk. In Manayunk is a long, steep hill called the Wall. Bicycle races go through Manayunk, and the Wall is the place where many riders quit and pull out.

Foto by Mark Sharon

I have hit my Wall. This does not mean I am quitting, but I am absolutely struggling. There is no more room in my brain, no more facts can be stuffed in. The No Vacancy sign is lit.  This is only a few weeks after “Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine” arrived on my doorstep (along with three other books). Harrison’s has 2754 pages, not including a half inch of Bible-thin pages containing all of the appendices. It weighs 9.5 pounds, I weighed it.

 A friend of mine’s husband is a physician. He made a comment about taking three years to get through Harrison’s and we have 15 weeks. Is this realistic? Our teacher glibly stated we weren’t expected to read the whole thing, but our assignment for this week is “Read Section 9”.  214 pages. Quiz by Sunday. Crap. I tend to be a type A when it comes to grades and school work. I want to do it all right, get fantastic grades, be top of the class. Hah, I feel mediocrity slipping in, my motivational level is zero. I had hoped to get out a couple of days and just observe an NP at my first rotation site, but haven’t heard back yet. The idea was to see and remember why exactly I chose to do this.

 I try to remember the excitement I had when my doctor, who is going to be my preceptor for the last term, showed me “my” exam room. Right now, all I want is a nap…maybe a bucket of Starbucks, does that come IV?

Keep pushing, keep pedaling, the Wall will end at some point, I will break through, I will make it. And some people have the nerve to say nursing education is easy.

Wake me up in 20 minutes, maybe some stuff will have fallen out of my brain closet to make room for more.


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