I know the title is not exactly an original, but darned if it isn’t true. As my readers know, most of my previous experience has been with older folks, and hospice patients. Now, as part of getting my Family Nurse Practitioner certification, I am in the pediatric rotation.
Of course, it had to be the first rotation. Downright scary. But after 12 weeks with the little munchkins, and it doesn’t seem quite so scary. Lots of sore throats, ear aches and rashes, with a dash of constipation, picky eating and temper tantrums thrown in for variety. I can handle that.
The best part was, you never knew what would come out of their mouths at any given moment. One little tot loudly announced to everyone in the waiting room, hallway and exam areas: “My mom is having another baby!” Mom rolls her eyes and sighs, secret’s out.
Another little gal pointed at my Mr Long Ears and said “I am going to have a stepostope for Christmas.” I asked her if she was going to be a nurse or doctor, “No, I am going to be race car driver.”
I entered an exam room for a school physical on a six year old boy. He was perched, fully clothed on the exam table, a serious frown on his little face. “I will NOT take off my clothes.” Mom and I came up with the idea that I would take the cooperative sister across the hall for her physical, and Mom would try to pry the clothes off the recalcitrant one. When I returned, he was crouched in a little ball with shreds of paper gown fluttering all around him.
He glared at me and said solemnly “I am a MAN, and no-one is going to see me naked!” After a little persuausion, he finally allowed the exam, but when I felt for his femoral pulses (in his groin) he yelled “THAT is what I was talking about!” I could hear some snickering coming from Mom, but she was able to keep from bursting out.
One boy’s name was William, I asked him what he liked to be called, William or Bill or what. He said “My name is Bill, but Dad calls me pain in the ass.
Oh, I gotta go, I just saw a bald eagle swoop down in our lake, I think he caught a fish, so cool!