This week I get a site visit from one of the university instructors. The site visit is THE thing I am nervous about…very nervous.
Generally, I can go into the exam room now and get the patient’s history and complaint, do a physical exam to find the actual problems and report to my preceptor what I found, what I think the diagnosis is, and formulate a treatment plan. I can do all this and look reasonably competent and confident.
However, I have this thing about being watched and scrutinized while performing, my version of stage fright. This may seem strange after teaching nursing to LPN students, standing up in front of the class and lecturing and such. But being watched by someone who is scrutinizing my every move and checking items off a fifty point checklist…well, THAT is my bugaboo. The problem is, that when I am nervous, my mouth goes into overdrive, I start to talk really fast, I get tense and jittery.
Did you ever hear the term “blithering idiot”? That about describes it.
My family and friends, my preceptor, everybody says “you will do fine, you know what you are doing, don’t worry about it.” But it is not so easy. The words I gave my students when they went to clinicals for the first time are back to haunt me again. I told them to “pretend you are confident, play the part of a great nurse, the patient will never know, and you will feel and act more confident”. Okay, I will pretend she isn’t there watching, I will pretend I am super confident. I will not degenerate into a blithering idiot. I will review the checklist a million times so I don’t miss anything.
I will try to forget that if I don’t pass this site visit and evaluation, I fail the class. O crap. I am confident, I am a great nurse practitioner, she isn’t there watching me, I will do fine.
Thursday is the day. Friday I will report back whether this blog continues or not.
I will be confident, I will be confident, I will do fine. I will do fine.