Well, my last term starts Monday. I just got back from a week of vacation in upstate South Carolina, again. We do love it there. I managed to wash and dry my cell phone (we thought the dryer was clumping kind of loud) and so no-one could call me. That actually was kind of nice. We took walks in the woods with the dogs, explored the area and discovered some new things. Generally relaxed and lollygagged (also gained a few pounds, oops). I took several school books with good intentions of doing some reading. Yea, right.
Now, I am home again, faced with the pile of books I meant to do some reading and studying in and the new term looms. I was good today, read a few chapters in my orthopedic book. Orthopedics is one of my weaker areas and I need to bone up a bit. It seems strange that there is only one more term, 15 more weeks. I am so not ready to go out there and BE a nurse practitioner. Emotionally scary, that. I suppose that is how all new grads feel when they go out there, so I will try not to perseverate about it.
My big concern this time is the SCHOLARLY PROJECT…..the dreaded thesis of yore. A classmate who is a term ahead of me stated she almost threw up when she read the syllabus and expectations of the scholarly project. Okay, I suppose that is good to know ahead of time. She did say to really work your ass off the first week to fill in the “matrix” and the rest would flow. Now if I could just think of a good subject, which is a little hard to do if you don’t know the expectations. I have fiddled with the ideas of diabetic foot care, the shingles vaccine, medication compliance issues and fall prevention in the elderly.
Last term I was still excited about getting the books and prepping my work space. This term is different, motivation seems to lower. The difference must be pretty much sheer exhaustion, mental and physical, and also the realization that, once this is done, I need to go out there and apply for jobs. Yuk, I hate applying for jobs. In the past, every time I thought I was getting a good one and the people seemed nice and all that, the job turned into a disease. The employer owned you for a salary, and always took advantage. I am too damn old for those games now. I hope that I can find a nice quiet little corner to do my thing, working with nice people who appreciate me. Is that too much to ask? Hopefully not. I work hard, I am honest, I care about how and what I do. Sending up prayers, God, that the right place will come up for me. Heaven knows I have worked hard enough to get to where I am educationally.
So, here we are, sitting at the desk. It is dusty, there are coffee rings on the surface. The books are stacked a little haphazardly. The pencils are not sharp. Piles of old clinical log sheets and papers take up half the space. The laptop is new, the old one fell off the sofa and died a spectacular death. I never saw such weird patterns on the display before…at least that was after I took my final. Do I feel like making it all pretty and tidy? Not this time. The piles of papers will have to go on the floor to make room for the new ones. I will push enough stuff aside to make space for the new stuff, and I will continue to plug away at all of this, including the “matrix”, until is done. 15 more weeks…