Last assignment done

Okay, this is it. I am finally done. Today I completed my last assignment. Now, I can start to live again. Wow, a real life of just going to work and coming home, no homework, no papers, no studying.

Oh, wait. I forgot. The certification exam. Darn…

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Scholarly Project

A classmate who is a term ahead of me, (well actually she has just graduated and passed her certification exam, too) told me that when she first opened the instructions for the scholarly project, she almost threw up. When I first read the instructions, I felt the same way. It is like a thesis in a nutshell. What doctorate students do in acouple of years, we get to do in 15 weeks. Kinda like reading Harrison’s in 15 weeks (2880 pages)…

Our first assignment was to post our understanding of what the project is:

My understanding of this project is that we are to:
1. Identify and research an issue related to family practice which can improve health care in some way, by changing a protocol or creating an educational tool for patients, as examples.
2. Research this topic through an extensive literature review to determine the latest and best information on this topic, and give reasons why the topic is important and appropriate. We will describe in detail how and where we found the information, and analyze the studies using a research matrix to organize and make sense of the findings, and write a report of the research findings.
3. Use the information to develop an intervention such as a protocol change, an educational tool or presentation or evaluation tool, etc., using a theoretical framework appropriate to the topic. We will find established or create new tools for measuring the outcomes of the intervention plan.
4. Implement this plan and evaluate its effectiveness or impact using the measurement tools.
5. Make a comprehensive presentation of the topic by writing a scholarly paper.
6. Present the entire project to the class via a powerpoint presentation
7. Provide feedback to our classmates throughout.

Oookaaaaay…..I know I can, I know I can…just call me Thomas the train.

Well, they say you can eat an elephant if you do it one bite at a time…

So the first bite is deciding on the topic after voluminous research including only primary sources. Primary sources include clinical trials, case controlled studies, etc. Lots of digging through databases including Med Line and CINAHL, reading about correlation, significancy, variants, samples and cohorts, analysis with various esoteric formulae. A little light reading,  hahaha.  All those mad scientists out there love to write up their research in a way to make you crazy yourself trying to figure it all out.

Okay, one bite at a time, what will my project be about? Let’s try diabetic feet.

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Last term coming up

Well, my last term starts Monday. I just got back from a week of vacation in upstate South Carolina, again. We do love it there. I managed to wash and dry my cell phone (we thought the dryer was clumping kind of loud) and so no-one could call me. That actually was kind of nice. We took walks in the woods with the dogs, explored the area and discovered some new things. Generally relaxed and lollygagged (also gained a few pounds, oops). I took several school books with good intentions of doing some reading. Yea, right.

Now, I am home again, faced with the pile of books I meant to do some reading and studying in and the new term looms. I was good today, read a few chapters in my orthopedic book. Orthopedics is one of my weaker areas and I need to bone up a bit. It seems strange that there is only one more term, 15 more weeks. I am so not ready to go out there and BE a nurse practitioner. Emotionally scary, that. I suppose that is how all new grads feel when they go out there, so I will try not to perseverate about it.

My big concern this time is the SCHOLARLY PROJECT…..the dreaded thesis of yore. A classmate who is a term ahead of me stated she almost threw up when she read the syllabus and expectations of the scholarly project. Okay, I suppose that is good to know ahead of time. She did say to really work your ass off the first week to fill in the “matrix” and the rest would flow.  Now if I could just think of a good subject, which is a little hard to do if you don’t know the expectations. I have fiddled with the ideas of diabetic foot care, the shingles vaccine, medication compliance issues and fall prevention in the elderly. 

Last term I was still excited about getting the books and prepping my work space. This term is different, motivation seems to lower. The difference must be pretty much sheer exhaustion, mental and physical, and also the realization that, once this is done, I need to go out there and apply for jobs. Yuk, I hate applying for jobs. In the past, every time I thought I was getting a good one and the people seemed nice and all that, the job turned into a disease. The employer owned you for a salary, and always took advantage. I am too damn old for those games now. I hope that I can find a nice quiet little corner to do my thing, working with nice people who appreciate me. Is that too much to ask? Hopefully not. I work hard, I am honest, I care about how and what I do. Sending up prayers, God, that the right place will come up for me. Heaven knows I have worked hard enough to get to where I am educationally.

So, here we are, sitting at the desk. It is dusty, there are coffee rings on the surface. The books are stacked a little haphazardly. The pencils are not sharp. Piles of old clinical log sheets and papers take up half the space. The laptop is new, the old one fell off the sofa and died a spectacular death. I never saw such weird patterns on the display before…at least that was after I took my final. Do I feel like making it all pretty and tidy? Not this time. The piles of papers will have to go on the floor to make room for the new ones. I will push enough stuff aside to make space for the new stuff, and I will continue to plug away at all of this, including the “matrix”, until is done. 15 more weeks…

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Site visit

This week I get a site visit from one of the university instructors. The site visit is THE thing I am nervous about…very nervous.

Generally, I can go into the exam room now and get the patient’s history and complaint, do a physical exam to find the actual problems and report to my preceptor what I found, what I think the diagnosis is, and formulate a treatment plan. I can do all this and look reasonably competent and confident.

However, I have this thing about being watched and scrutinized while performing, my version of stage fright. This may seem strange after teaching nursing to LPN students, standing up in front of the class and lecturing and such. But being watched by someone who is scrutinizing my every move and checking items off a fifty point checklist…well, THAT is my bugaboo. The problem is, that when I am nervous, my mouth goes into overdrive, I start to talk really fast, I get tense and jittery.

Did you ever hear the term “blithering idiot”? That about describes it.

My family and friends, my preceptor, everybody says “you will do fine, you know what you are doing, don’t worry about it.” But it is not so easy. The words I gave my students when they went to clinicals for the first time are back to haunt me again. I told them to “pretend you are confident, play the part of a great nurse, the patient will never  know, and you will feel and act more confident”. Okay, I will pretend she isn’t there watching, I will pretend I am super confident. I will not degenerate into a blithering idiot. I will review the checklist a million times so I don’t miss anything.

I will try to forget that if I don’t pass this site visit and evaluation, I fail the class. O crap. I am confident, I am a great nurse practitioner, she isn’t there watching me, I will do fine.

Thursday is the day. Friday I will report back whether this blog continues or not.

I will be confident, I will be confident, I will do fine. I will do fine.

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